Searching for significance
Is it approval? Is it significance? What do I seek when among friends? Do my stories need to be greater, funnier, or even told to be counted a friend or active participant in a group? How can one who laughs and carries on feel lonely in the laughter?
Knowing you've over-stepped the boundaries of comfortable you try to withdraw. That not being an option, you try to cover it up, blending insecurity with not so funny tales. Sympathetic laughter echoes in the hollowness of the soul closed off. Heart discussion cut off as you listen half-heatedly to another baring their soul and receiving the same response from you as you perceived from them.
Talking, laughing, preparing what you will say next, not even in reply. Listening, listening, who is listening. We have not been listening. ALONE with your thoughts in a crowded room. Who will hear MY thoughts, MY desires. Who will agree? What if no one takes MY position? Well, there is the problem. . . The overstepped boundaries were not with those in the room. They were with The Uncreated One.
My righteousness turned into my rightness. Justified by a sense of knowing Truth. Most men know truth, but walking in Truth is altogether different. Isolation that is self-made by the self-righteous one walking around without a thought of others and at the same time worrying about what others think of me.
“Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered— how fleeting my life is. You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand. My entire lifetime is just a moment to you; at best, each of us is but a breath.” Interlude (Psalms 39:4, 5 NLT)
Let me again die to self. Let me find peace in You! That is where my significance lies. Eternity awaits!
Walking in step with You and following You brought me to these beloved friends. Reading your Word and letting it roll off the barrier of me that I've erected rather than allowing it to penetrate my heart is not working. Walking within this place of self is lonely. Hide me in You!
If I have that assurance that You have gone before me and I haven't drug You along as an afterthought, I will be at ease. If at that time I am to walk in solitude from this world, I will be contented in knowing that the One who matters is my Guide. I trust You! I cling to You! I am not alone! And You have provided those who will walk alongside me in this life because You love me. I'm forever indebted to You, my Breath, my Joy, my Savior.
Thank You for the breakthrough in this obstacle! Take me to the next level! Help me to obey on each step of the journey! In Your beautiful Name, Jesus, I pray. Amen.
Showing posts with label Significance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Significance. Show all posts
Monday, November 11, 2013
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Slingshot
Recently, I was given the opportunity to lead worship at a conference with invitees from my entire state. I have never led worship in that setting before. I've traveled with other teams and worshiped in other towns, but it has always been under the covering of another worship leader. I am confident in the anointing of worship leader, but this was a different responsibility level than I've ever had before. I've been in a lead role less than a year and though I've been trained for such things, my confidence was a bit shaky for this time.
A few weeks before the conference, I was really questioning the Lord. "Why me?" I am not a school trained musician. I have never taken piano lessons. I do know how to chord, but in over 10 years one would think my skill level would have improved more significantly. I was in my garden telling God about my inadequacy, especially in the keyboarding skills that I have (or lack). I have never heard God speak in an audible voice, but I do recognize when He speaks to me. He spoke very clearly to my heart, "Your keyboard is your slingshot." That was all, but it was enough.
I spent quite some time pondering that statement. My keyboard is my slingshot. Through time in the Word and time of meditation on Him, I have come to understand what He meant. A slingshot in my hands really is insignificant. Even Goliath thought a slingshot was insignificant in David's hands, when he was still alive to think. He taunted saying that Israel thinks he is a dog coming at him with sticks. That slingshot was the tool that God gave David for that moment to accomplish His purpose! It may look insignificant, but it was the exact tool that God wanted used.
My keyboard has sat in different rooms of my home and gets dusty, it is scratched up and one of the keys works when it feels like working, but it is significant in my hands because God said so. Period. I still do not have refined skills. Last Sunday leading worship, I made so many mistakes on it that I lost count. I still pressed into Him. In my weakness He is strong! This tool that may seem insignificant accomplished the purpose that God designed for that conference. I believe it is a lasting Word for me too, His purpose didn't end with that conference. When I am in doubt, I still have His Words to me in my heart. I don't naturally come up with encouraging words for myself. I usually hear the voice of the enemy as my own voice telling me that I am not good enough. I know that I couldn't have thought this up on my own. I wasn't even studying David. I was reading Genesis and Judges at the time.
Here's the thing now. I believe that God is speaking to hearts right now. He has given others a tool or tools that may seem insignificant. A drawing pencil, a computer, a pair of scissors, a football, or a garden rake may seem insignificant, but if God put it in your hands and tells you to use it, it is significant. It is your slingshot. You may not hear His voice, but say you were just drawing a cartoon and someone calls you up and asks if you can help them illustrate a Sunday School lesson. You realize that it is for a higher purpose. That is your slingshot. It may not be as big as a state wide conference or it may be bigger! I don't know, but if He put it in your hand and gave you an opportunity to use if for His glory, it is significant!
I am still a nobody who just wants to be faithful to His Kingdom purpose. My name is not on the lips of many. Very few people have been or will ever be in a service where I lead worship and yet I may travel the world. I just want to be available and go where He sends me. I don't even know how His purposes were accomplished through my keyboard and I may never in this life know, but I believe they were.
Are you ready to pick up your slingshot and use it?
A few weeks before the conference, I was really questioning the Lord. "Why me?" I am not a school trained musician. I have never taken piano lessons. I do know how to chord, but in over 10 years one would think my skill level would have improved more significantly. I was in my garden telling God about my inadequacy, especially in the keyboarding skills that I have (or lack). I have never heard God speak in an audible voice, but I do recognize when He speaks to me. He spoke very clearly to my heart, "Your keyboard is your slingshot." That was all, but it was enough.
I spent quite some time pondering that statement. My keyboard is my slingshot. Through time in the Word and time of meditation on Him, I have come to understand what He meant. A slingshot in my hands really is insignificant. Even Goliath thought a slingshot was insignificant in David's hands, when he was still alive to think. He taunted saying that Israel thinks he is a dog coming at him with sticks. That slingshot was the tool that God gave David for that moment to accomplish His purpose! It may look insignificant, but it was the exact tool that God wanted used.
My keyboard has sat in different rooms of my home and gets dusty, it is scratched up and one of the keys works when it feels like working, but it is significant in my hands because God said so. Period. I still do not have refined skills. Last Sunday leading worship, I made so many mistakes on it that I lost count. I still pressed into Him. In my weakness He is strong! This tool that may seem insignificant accomplished the purpose that God designed for that conference. I believe it is a lasting Word for me too, His purpose didn't end with that conference. When I am in doubt, I still have His Words to me in my heart. I don't naturally come up with encouraging words for myself. I usually hear the voice of the enemy as my own voice telling me that I am not good enough. I know that I couldn't have thought this up on my own. I wasn't even studying David. I was reading Genesis and Judges at the time.
Here's the thing now. I believe that God is speaking to hearts right now. He has given others a tool or tools that may seem insignificant. A drawing pencil, a computer, a pair of scissors, a football, or a garden rake may seem insignificant, but if God put it in your hands and tells you to use it, it is significant. It is your slingshot. You may not hear His voice, but say you were just drawing a cartoon and someone calls you up and asks if you can help them illustrate a Sunday School lesson. You realize that it is for a higher purpose. That is your slingshot. It may not be as big as a state wide conference or it may be bigger! I don't know, but if He put it in your hand and gave you an opportunity to use if for His glory, it is significant!
I am still a nobody who just wants to be faithful to His Kingdom purpose. My name is not on the lips of many. Very few people have been or will ever be in a service where I lead worship and yet I may travel the world. I just want to be available and go where He sends me. I don't even know how His purposes were accomplished through my keyboard and I may never in this life know, but I believe they were.
Are you ready to pick up your slingshot and use it?
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