I am His Bride

The idea that I am betrothed to Messiah is so complex.  It is beyond what I can comprehend and yet I believe it with all my heart.  The New Covenant makes provision for me and I am so blessed.  There are so many examples in the Word about His wooing us back unto Himself.  The parable of the lost sheep, the book of Hosea, Isaiah 62 (Hephzibah), Song of Songs.  I am my Beloved's and He is mine!  Now I watch and wait like the 10 virgins.  Will I be foolish or will I constantly be in a state of readiness?

He Opened Not His Mouth

Through my journey in life, I've been in several struggles in relationships.  It has not been until the most recent years that I've learned to control my tongue.  I guess I could say that I am learning still, but am less inclined to rant about my troubles.  The Lord had me throw away journal pages that reflected certain situations which only stirred up bitterness, but scars from past relationships are still present.  

As I'm sure many have experienced, my poor experience with someone caused a severing of that friendship for a time.  During the whole struggle, the Lord impressed upon me to not speak of it, especially to others with whom this friend spent a lot of time.  During that period, this friend continued to rant openly about me and say hurtful things to me.  During that course of time, several of my friends began to shun me and to this day, my attempts to reconcile with these others are futile.  I have reconciled with the first friend, but the damage has already been done to my reputation.  It has been years since that argument, but when I can't say, "Hello!" to certain friends, it really hurts.

I really wanted to avenge myself and make sure everyone knew my side of the story. While I was not guiltless in the situation, as no one really ever is entirely guiltless, I didn't want to be the bad guy.  When I took it to the Lord, He continued to tell me to be silent.  I was not to share my distress with anyone who befriended this one.

Today, as I browsed Facebook, I saw posts to this friend from another.  These two are still friends with each other while I have been "unfriended" by one.  My messages and requests for friendship have been rejected by this one who I cared deeply for.  I've seen others experience these same rejections, but in face to face meetings and not just Facebook.  Many of the rejected are pastors, servants of the King of Kings.  Why?

Jesus was accepted and worshiped and cheered in His triumphal entry to Jerusalem and then in a blink, the same people shouted, "Crucify Him!"  His broken heart had to be so much bigger because of the many that had rejected Him.  His love is so great for them! So much greater is His love than mine for the ones who reject me.  And even still, He did not open His mouth.

Isaiah 53:7  (NIV)  He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth.

He bore all of the rejection, the physical and emotional abuse.  He bore the sins of man toward others and toward Himself and he FORGAVE it all.  He purchased my salvation with His blood.  With just one word, He could have stopped all of this that came against Him, but for my sake and humanity's sake, He chose silence and ultimately the cross.  

So the next time I suffer emotionally from the slander against me, I must remember Jesus' sacrifice and the multiplied sorrow that He must have felt.  His love is not comprehensible to me, so I cannot comprehend the ache His heart must have felt that day.  I don't believe it is wrong to mourn the loss of a friendship.  In that, consider His suffering and pain as so many are lost or have turned from Him.  

Father, my heart cries out with yours and that of Your Son over those who are lost.  Stir their hearts, O God! Help me to do my part to draw them unto You.  I know that You don't want any to perish!  Give me a heart for the lost!

Take the Dollar

I have heard this particular scripture at least 4 times in the past week and finally today, my 9 year old son says, "You know, like the people that were hired at different times and all made the same amount of money."  God speaks to me through my children often and this time I took notice.  So before I go any further, the passage:

Matthew 20 (The Message)A Story About Workers 

1 "God's kingdom is like an estate manager who went out early in the morning to hire workers for his vineyard. 2 They agreed on a wage of a dollar a day, and went to work.3 "Later, about nine o'clock, the manager saw some other men hanging around the town square unemployed. 4 He told them to go to work in his vineyard and he would pay them a fair wage.5 They went. 6 At five o'clock he went back and found still others standing around. He said, 'Why are you standing around all day doing nothing?7 ' "They said, 'Because no one hired us.' "He told them to go to work in his vineyard.8 "When the day's work was over, the owner of the vineyard instructed his foreman, 'Call the workers in and pay them their wages. Start with the last hired and go on to the first.'9 "Those hired at five o'clock came up and were each given a dollar. 10 When those who were hired first saw that, they assumed they would get far more. But they got the same, each of them one dollar.11 Taking the dollar, they groused angrily to the manager,12 'These last workers put in only one easy hour, and you just made them equal to us, who slaved all day under a scorching sun.'13 "He replied to the one speaking for the rest, 'Friend, I haven't been unfair. We agreed on the wage of a dollar, didn't we? 14 So take it and go. I decided to give to the one who came last the same as you. 15 Can't I do what I want with my own money? Are you going to get stingy because I am generous?'16 "Here it is again, the Great Reversal: many of the first ending up last, and the last first."

The Lord showed me some time ago through prophetic words from some well-known men and women of God that He is about to bring in a great harvest.  I believe this to be true.  At the time I had been praying for several prodigals that I know as well as many that I've never heard of.  He told me simply that the church is not ready for the return of the prodigal.  Not speaking just about the church I attended, but the church as a whole.  We feel entitled to the titles that we currently have.  We feel that we've served our time faithfully and that we should be rewarded with kingdom promotions and esteem.
I saw a scenario where someone, whom I had watched make bad choices, came back just as I had prayed and then was promoted to a position above me.  Even though it was not a reality, but a vision of sorts, I became immediately offended.  Why should I, who has served faithfully and proven my worth, not become the leader and this one who just returned from the slop heap, be under me?  I deserve to be in charge?  Reading this, one might think that I sound petty, but I dare you to put yourself in that scenario.  Are you any less petty?
I have recently relocated to a new town, a new home and a new church.  In fact, I've only been in this church for about 3 weeks and so I'm asking God, why do I need to hear this lesson about the workers?  I'm one of the most recent hired.
 --- This might sound a bit strange, but the Lord's been dealing with me to type this blog for a few days now and I didn't know where it was going until I started typing.  In fact I knew I was to hold off on the title until it was complete and I am just now finding out why. ---
He doesn't want me to be afraid to take the dollar even though I just started the job and those ahead of me will receive the same wage.  I've been so convicted about my seniority issues that I've held for years and now I am seeing a whole new view to this, "inside, outside, upside-down Kingdom."  I'm so undone right now, I can hardly go on.  How can I "take the dollar" and still be humble?  It's that fine line between confidence and humility.  If one does not take what the Lord gives to them in the name of humility, it is false-humility and disobedience.  Isn't it He who qualified me?  Isn't it He who offered for me to join in His work?
I believe this message is for the prodigals as well.  He is calling you home.  He has a place for you and He intends for you to take it.  Sure, there will be those who are offended by your growth in Him, but Who has called you?  Who has named you?  Where does your fear and trembling lie?  Do you fear God or man?  He is the one pulling you up from the miry clay.  Stand on the Rock!
Now that I have at least a portion of the answer to my question, I have more questions.
No matter where you stand in the line of workers: first, second, fifth or last hired; trust that God is the one who offers the wage/reward and we need to trust that He knows what He is doing.

Take my focus from the wage, to the work, Lord.  Most importantly let my focus be on the One who called me in the first place.  Help me to have confidence in You alone and what You have for me to do.  Help me to do it with all my might and keep my eyes on You!

His Yoke

Matthew 11:28-30 CEV If you are tired from carrying heavy burdens, come to me and I will give you rest. 29 Take the yoke I give you. Put it on your shoulders and learn from me. I am gentle and humble, and you will find rest. 30 This yoke is easy to bear, and this burden is light.

This past week, I saw this passage in a devotional of some sort and I don't want to try and reiterate it without giving credit. Instead, I recognize that the Lord is speaking to me about His yoke because I read it again in my morning scripture time. Many times when I hear something more than once within a short time I see that I must pay attention because apparently I didn't get it the first time.
This morning as I read the scripture, it came with a new light. My family had a very difficult decision before us a few months ago to move to another town and accept a new job for my husband. We had several options at the time and wanted not just do the most lucrative thing, but what God was telling us to do. It is not an easy thing to make a decision of this magnitude. My response was to rest in Him. I immersed myself in worship and the word and just tried to remain in His presence through the whole process. In the end, our whole family was in unity about the decision and He gave us peace. Even though we liked a few of the other options, we knew in our hearts that we were doing His will.
In that experience I saw the fulfillment of Matthew 11:28-30. Without making little of the decision we were to make, I would say it was easier to give Jesus the decision burden than it is now to give him the labor burden. We are preparing our house to sell and packing for our move in just over 2 weeks and I am overwhelmed. Not just with work, but emotion of the work.
This is the only home my children have ever known. As a child I moved frequently and I've lived here for essentially 14 years. I've grown in our church family and in many ways, they know me more than my birth family. I love our kids' school and friends and community. I've invested my heart into the prayers for transformation of this area. There are many reasons that sound good to stay, but I trust that we made the right decision.
Now the work I must do physically to sell our home and move is before me. Actually, I've kept at a good pace and that in itself should not be overwhelming. I caught a nasty virus that has ailed me for about 10 days now and a few days, I was so drained that a walk across my house tired me and I would fall asleep wherever I ended up. During the height of my cold, I didn't read the Bible, I didn't turn on any music or sing, I just slept and survived.
It is beginning to sound like I'm blogging to complain about my woes, but if that is all that is conveyed, I've messed up or the reader has missed the point. The last few paragraphs explain all that I have taken upon myself. I've given Christ some of my burdens. The rest I've had recently was exhausted rest and not rest in Him. I am seeing as of this morning that God wants me to give all of these woes to Him. It is my burden that He has offered to share. His yoke is easy and His burden is light.
Lately I've believed a lie that I don't have time to devote to Kingdom things because I have a lot of physical preparations to make. Oh I have time alright, and I've wasted a bunch of it on other things. The "stress reliever" game that I play on my phone is not a burden reliever. Even as I felt compelled to share this revelation on a blog this morning, my mind told me that I don't have time to devote to this, but I would at least get it started. As soon as I opened the blog, my phone rang to postpone one of my morning obligations. Even typing or writing in a journal about His revelation is time meditating on Him and giving Him the burdens. If I give Him my time, He will give me the time I need to complete each task ahead without the weightiness it formerly had.

Matthew 6:25-26 CEV I tell you not to worry about your life. Don't worry about having something to eat, drink, or wear. Isn't life more than food or clothing? 26 Look at the birds in the sky! They don't plant or harvest. They don't even store grain in barns. Yet your Father in heaven takes care of them. Aren't you worth more than birds?

A Lesson from My Garden

John 15:1-2 GNB I am the real vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He breaks off every branch in me that does not bear fruit, and he prunes every branch that does bear fruit, so that it will be clean and bear more fruit.

As my tomato plants began to grow, I was able to watch them and trim back some of the branches. I know that the pruning process is beneficial for plants and this really helped with early production of tomatoes. Once the plants began to produce, I held off the trimming. Hot temperatures and little rain slowed everything down and I didn't follow up with the pruning.
When we returned from our vacation this summer I found a lot of itty bitty tomatoes on a few branches and the ones that didn't produce were trimmed again. I've been home for over a month now and haven't trimmed again. My plants are loaded with green tomatoes and the branches have run amok. I got so excited about the quantity of fruit that I neglected to concern myself with its quality. So far, the tomatoes that are ripening are only half the size they should be.
I have discovered that pruning must occur not only during the early growth phases, but in latter as well. I want to bear enduring fruit and good fruit. If I want my fruit to continue to grow to fullness, I need to carefully prune each branch or I will have to settle for tiny tomatoes that will fall off my sandwiches if I slice them. Then I ask if quantity is better than quality. Well I guess that depends on who you are or how you look at it. I would rather have 5 pounds of large tomatoes that are good to the taste than 5 pounds of tiny tomatoes that are have a weak taste and texture because of a lack of fullness. Fullness.
Jesus follows up with: John 15:8-9 GNB "My Father's glory is shown by your bearing much fruit; and in this way you become my disciples. 9 I love you just as the Father loves me; remain in my love." Much fruit, much fruit. Well that sounds like my tomato plants right now. They have much fruit. While the translation is not clear as to quality or quantity, I choose to believe that good fruit is His goal. If we are to show Father's glory by our fruit, I don't see it as being small and dull.
I see several situations right now where it seems as if the pruning is too much and sometimes it even seems as if good things are cut off. I needed to be reminded that God's glory is to be reflected in the fruit. So when I feel as though I've lost a valuable part of me like confidence and it was lopped off, I may then realize that it was really pride. He must become greater and I must become less. Apart from Him, I can do nothing. (John 15:5)