A new season

Seasons come and go. There are four seasons every year: winter, spring, summer and fall. They come about at relatively the same time each year and we know to expect them but aren’t fully prepared for each one all of the time.

There are also seasons in our adult lives which come and go as well. They are often longer than 3-4 months. Some last years. I did not plan for a season of infertility, but went through it. It seems like so long ago. I then had the season of babies and toddlers. Soon I had school-aged children and then I was a homeschool mom and then I sent my kids to school and now my kids have moved out. A new season has come and I knew it was coming and planned for it, but just like when I sent my youngest to kindergarten, I am at a loss for where to invest my time. I have already begun working on my health, and am starting to work with friends in accountability. Where am I in my relationship with God? I know He has never left me and I never left Him. I read the Bible nearly every day and pray often. When I was teaching Bible classes at church I dug into the Word so much deeper so that I would have something to share. I have really been enjoying studying to share with a weekly small group of high school girls, and have more time to do better than I did when my children lived at home. I think this new season includes a deepening walk with God. I have learned over the years that if I invest my time, the return is fruitful if I invest wisely.

So here’s to a new season and reviving this old blog. I’m surprised I haven’t lost access it’s been so long. Praying for direction and discernment as I move forward!

Love the Word

¹ Joyful are people of integrity,
    who follow the instructions of the Lord.
² Joyful are those who obey his laws
    and search for him with all their hearts.
³ They do not compromise with evil,
    and they walk only in his paths.
⁴ You have charged us
    to keep your commandments carefully.
⁵ Oh, that my actions would consistently
    reflect your decrees!
⁶ Then I will not be ashamed
    when I compare my life with your commands.
⁷ As I learn your righteous regulations,
    I will thank you by living as I should!
⁸ I will obey your decrees.
    Please don’t give up on me!

Psalm 119:1-8

Psalm 119 is the longest book of the entire Bible, but it really isn't so horrible to read.  In fact, the more I read it, the more I love it.  Every eight verses is like a stanza of a poem and most verses speak of laws, statutes, decrees, commands, or regulations.  I still sometimes wonder how David can say all of that; however, the more time I spend reading the word, I, too, fall in love with it.

I think we all crave order in some fashion or another.  God's commands are not demands as we have a choice to follow them or not.  We will suffer consequences if we choose to disobey, but oh the joy when we obey!  "Joyful are the people of integrity..."  Joyful?  Yes, Joyful!  I was reminded in a podcast yesterday that joy and happy are not the same thing.  Joy is a state and happy is an emotion.  When we are in alignment with the Law, there is this state of joy that is actually peaceful and contented.  

You may know someone who has been a Christian a long time that is always grumbly and grumpy.  I would ask, then, are they a person of integrity, or a person of rules?  Don't ask them and don't judge them, but as a tree is judged by its fruit, you can judge the fruit of the person.  Not if they produce apples, but maybe fruit of the Spirit... love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  There isn't much joy in just being a rule follower, I have been in that category a lot and it actually produced bitterness in me for anyone who did not follow the rules.  I couldn't stand to see someone walk outside of the lines!

So I'm sure it sounds like I'm promoting judging and permissiveness.  AGH!  That's not what I mean!!  Here's the thing.  If you're turned off by Christians and don't want to be one because of the dogmatic, bitter rule-follower that you know, I want you to realize that there is so much more to the law than that!  Maybe no one you know is a great example, but many of us are trying!  I think this section of Psalm 119 actually outlines the right mindset.  Follow instructions, obey God's laws, search for Him with all your heart, do not compromise with evil, walk ONLY in His paths, keep His commands, have actions that reflect His law consistently, learn his righteous regulations, thank Him by living as you should, and obey.  I love how he closes this stanza, "Please don't give up on me!"  This sounds to me like trying to please God and not being dogmatic about the rules.

Deuteronomy 6:4-6 says, "Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. ⁵ And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. ⁶ And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today."  He says, "must," and must is a strong word!  The speaker is Moses.  He understands the promise and the consequences.  There is an urging and compassion for the people of Israel.  Then we come to the New Testament.  Jesus says in John 14:15, "If you love me, obey my commandments."  His commandments are not for harm, but for good!  It is not something to fear!

I will leave you with a few verses to meditate on.  I would encourage you to look at them in context as well.  

Matthew 5:17  "Don’t misunderstand why I have come. I did not come to abolish the law of Moses or the writings of the prophets. No, I came to accomplish their purpose."

I John 4:7-8  "Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. ⁸ But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love."

Romans 13:10  "Love does no wrong to others, so love fulfills the requirements of God’s law."

John 3:16  "For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life."

John 13:34  "So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other."

John 14:21  "Those who accept my commandments and obey them are the ones who love me. And because they love me, my Father will love them. And I will love them and reveal myself to each of them."

I John 4:17-19  "And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.

¹⁸ Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. ¹⁹ We love each other because he loved us first."

All quoted scripture is from the New Living Translation unless otherwise specified.

Hospitality

I have read this story several times and am so appalled by the end that I miss the beginning.  In Judges 19 there is a story of an unfaithful wife who returns home to her parents. She is also called his concubine. He goes to get her and each night her dad begs them to stay just one more night.  After 6 nights they go and the night they leave she is raped to death by men from Benjamin and then her husband cuts her into 12 pieces and sends her body to the tribes of Israel to rally them against the men of Benjamin because they are so evil.  

It is a terrible story and I almost just skimmed it this morning, but I read it anyhow.  I have no insight and still don't like to read it.  But today, I really paused at this part:

“So they went on, and the sun set as they neared Gibeah in Benjamin. There they stopped to spend the night. They went and sat in the city square, but no one took them in for the night. That evening an old man from the hill country of Ephraim, who was living in Gibeah (the inhabitants of the place were Benjamites), came in from his work in the fields. When he looked and saw the traveler in the city square, the old man asked, “Where are you going? Where did you come from?” He answered, “We are on our way from Bethlehem in Judah to a remote area in the hill country of Ephraim where I live. I have been to Bethlehem in Judah and now I am going to the house of the Lord. No one has taken me in for the night. We have both straw and fodder for our donkeys and bread and wine for ourselves your servants—me, the woman and the young man with us. We don’t need anything.” “You are welcome at my house,” the old man said. “Let me supply whatever you need. Only don’t spend the night in the square.” So he took him into his house and fed his donkeys. After they had washed their feet, they had something to eat and drink.”

Judges 19:14-21 NIV

http://bible.com/111/jdg.19.14-21.niv

I think that most of the people in the town must have been afraid at how travelers were treated so they were not hospitable.  The old man apparently knew because he told them that they must not stay in the town square.  Of such a night I remember reading in Genesis with the 3 visitors and Lot in Sodom and Gamorrah. 

Anyhow, I think about today, there is no such hospitality to strangers.  Our culture, our country, is not set up to take people in.  When you go to a town of your kinsmen, you don't sit in the center of town until someone takes you in.  There is so much "stranger danger" mindset with grown-ups that we wouldn't dare take in someone we do not know.  We are the rest of the town.  We may choose to give $10 to someone's "fund me" page, but rarely ever to a stranger's. Who knows if they're really in need or just scamming.  

I know that my heart has hardened to giving to those who live off of others' hospitality.  It makes me cautious to give to anyone.  There will always be poor among you, but you will not always have Me is something Jesus said when anointed with expensive perfume.  There will always, I'm guessing, be those who take advantage of hospitality, but the love your neighbor as yourself principle didn't go away.  And interestingly when Jesus explained who my neighbor is, He didn't give an example of someone in my family tree or even my same race.  He gave an example of hospitality given by a Samaritan.  Someone who was detested by those He spoke to, was to be considered a neighbor. 

How do I know if I will be taken advantage of or not?  I don't always know, but I can use the discerning brain God gave me to detect a scam.  We all know someone who we believe abuses the hospitality of others.  When I see it, I get mad, but there is often a child watching and the child sees that people still give and still care.  I have also seen a begging child in a third world country who had cash taken away by his handler as soon as they thought the foreigners were out of sight.  It breaks my heart, but someone with me reminded me that the child was at least fed by our money.

I am just rethinking how I can be giving and hospitable.  The next time I have an urge to be hospitable, it is likely the Holy Spirit guiding me to be an answer to someone's prayer.  I am praying to be more sensitive as to when I should or should not.  

“Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.”

Hebrews 13:2 NIV

Expectancy

As I prepared a worship set, I was really excited and expectant to see what God was getting ready to do.  Later in the day, I heated up a piece of Fried chicken and sat on the couch to eat it.  My son's puppy was sitting beside me as I ate it.  She was very alert, ears perked up and looking at me with an excited longing.  I don't generally share my chicken with her, but she still was expectant in that slight chance that she might get just a morsel.  I stand up and she jumps to the floor and starts bouncing around and follows me clear to the kitchen trash where I dispose of the bones and then to the dishwasher as I put my empty plate in there. 
I thought of this puppy and her excitement.  She does this ALL.THE.TIME!  She rarely gets rewarded for her persistence because of her sensitive stomach and my distaste for dog puke, but she still persists with expectancy!  WOW!  In this scenario, I had a God moment! 
How many times have I come before Him with an excited expectancy and things didn't turn out in my favor?  Do I come before Him the next time with the same hunger and excitement, or do I bring my doubt with me?  After a few times of not getting what I wanted, I lower my expectations.  Sometimes I recognize that what I wanted was not good for me, but there are times that I didn't have expectations and what I could have gotten would have been precisely what I need! 
This expectancy and doubt cycle can come when praying for a miracle, during worship service, when planning an event, when delivering a message, with personal goals and dreams, or in other situations that I can't think of at the moment.  That doesn't give us permission to give up.  I want to be like Sadie, the puppy.  When there is something that I'm asking/begging for.  I want to act as though it were going to be given.  If I am passed by, I will just wait until my next opportunity and ask again.  One of these times, the timing will be right and I will get that thing and wag my tail all the more!  And it really won't just happen once, it will happen over and over, because that is how God works!  If I can give good gifts to my children, how much more will God give to His?
Even in a service where I'm not a part of the ministry, I need to go with expectancy because this might just be the moment that God is going to pour out His Spirit upon me and amaze me again!  When I am a part of the ministry, I need to not look at the probability of low or high attendance and change my expectancy level accordingly.  IF I feel that what I expected wasn't what happened, I can walk away and know that what God poured out will not return to Him without accomplishing what He planned to accomplish.  I can say, "Next time!" with enthusiasm!
There are times as well that expectancy goes unanswered and not because it's not time, but because He wants us to push a little harder.  I love the story of what we endearingly call, "The persistent widow."

Matthew 15:21-28 NLT

21 Then Jesus left Galilee and went north to the region of Tyre and Sidon. 22 A Gentile woman who lived there came to him, pleading, “Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David! For my daughter is possessed by a demon that torments her severely.”

23 But Jesus gave her no reply, not even a word. Then his disciples urged him to send her away. “Tell her to go away,” they said. “She is bothering us with all her begging.”

24 Then Jesus said to the woman, “I was sent only to help God’s lost sheep—the people of Israel.”

25 But she came and worshiped him, pleading again, “Lord, help me!”

26 Jesus responded, “It isn’t right to take food from the children and throw it to the dogs.”

27 She replied, “That’s true, Lord, but even dogs are allowed to eat the scraps that fall beneath their masters’ table.”

28 “Dear woman,” Jesus said to her, “your faith is great. Your request is granted.” And her daughter was instantly healed.

Another scripture has spoken to me as well.  In Luke 11, Jesus says that if you go to a friend's house at midnight and ask for 3 loaves of bread, he really tries to brush you off because they are in bed already, but because of persistence, he gives it to you.

Luke 11:8 NIV

I tell you, even though he will not get up and give you the bread because of friendship, yet because of your shameless audacity he will surely get up and give you as much as you need.

Both of these people pushed harder to get what they wanted and were rewarded.  I want to know when to push and when to release and know that God is God and that is enough.  Wherever and whatever the situation, I want to start this year with EXPECTANCY!  I don't know what God has in mind.  I'm spending this next week praying about goals and "resolutions," but as I do this I don't want to be flippant.  I want to be expectant!

Extravagant Forgiveness

There are two occasions in the New Testament where Jesus was anointed by women with expensive perfume.  The latter was just before his crucifixion and He said that He was being prepared for burial.  This is recorded in Matthew and Mark.  The first anointing was by a sinful woman and it was early on in Jesus' ministry, before even John the Baptist was beheaded.  This is recorded in Luke's gospel.

 Luke 7:36-50 NLT

³⁶ One of the Pharisees asked Jesus to have dinner with him, so Jesus went to his home and sat down to eat. ³⁷ When a certain immoral woman from that city heard he was eating there, she brought a beautiful alabaster jar filled with expensive perfume. ³⁸ Then she knelt behind him at his feet, weeping. Her tears fell on his feet, and she wiped them off with her hair. Then she kept kissing his feet and putting perfume on them.

³⁹ When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know what kind of woman is touching him. She’s a sinner!”
⁴⁰ Then Jesus answered his thoughts. “Simon,” he said to the Pharisee, “I have something to say to you.”
“Go ahead, Teacher,” Simon replied.
⁴¹ Then Jesus told him this story: “A man loaned money to two people—500 pieces of silver to one and 50 pieces to the other. ⁴² But neither of them could repay him, so he kindly forgave them both, canceling their debts. Who do you suppose loved him more after that?”
⁴³ Simon answered, “I suppose the one for whom he canceled the larger debt.”
“That’s right,” Jesus said. ⁴⁴ Then he turned to the woman and said to Simon, “Look at this woman kneeling here. When I entered your home, you didn’t offer me water to wash the dust from my feet, but she has washed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. ⁴⁵ You didn’t greet me with a kiss, but from the time I first came in, she has not stopped kissing my feet. ⁴⁶ You neglected the courtesy of olive oil to anoint my head, but she has anointed my feet with rare perfume.
⁴⁷ “I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.” ⁴⁸ Then Jesus said to the woman, “Your sins are forgiven.”
⁴⁹ The men at the table said among themselves, “Who is this man, that he goes around forgiving sins?”
⁵⁰ And Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

Let’s step into the woman’s shoes…

She was sinful.  That is all the Bible says.  There is no clarification on it.  Sure we can suppose and some have even given her sin a name, but we don’t know for sure.  With her UNNAMED SIN, today, we CAN relate.  This could look a lot of different ways.  Prostitution, abortion, fornication of other kinds, murder, theft, embezzling, stripping, or drug or alcohol addiction.  Those are BIG public sins.  What if this sin is a little more subtle or even a sin that is so private that no one knows about it but her, but it is eating at her.  Bitterness, unforgiveness, or silent rage, maybe she ran out on her children, maybe she was a habitual liar, or a bully, or had a pornography addiction… the list goes on.

She had heard of Jesus, but she felt worthless, so the only thing she thought she had that was worthy of Jesus was this treasure … her dowry … her life savings … she probably lost all hope of having a normal life so what is the use of having this expensive perfume.

She had a yearning to see this Jesus, so she went where she knew He would be.  Nearing his presence, she began to weep uncontrollably.  At this point no water was necessary and she didn’t have a cleaning cloth, but she did have her tears and this beautiful head of hair ... her crowning glory ... the best, most undefiled thing about her.  She approaches.  She breaks open her best, and pours it on His feet.  She weeps more.  She kisses … not in lust or impurity, but holy, worshipful kisses.  More tears … drying and cleaning the dusty, dirty feet of the Love she’s never known … with her beloved hair.

She may hear the conversation above her, but she, seemingly unaffected by it, keeps up this act of worship for the entire time.  As she washes Him, He washes her!  He doesn’t consider her untouchable, which makes her weep even more.  No righteous person has allowed her to remain in their presence before, let alone allowed her to touch them, even when her motives were pure.  She just wants to love!  She really wants to be loved … rightly.

A friend of mine during a message once said, “He will kiss even the dirtiest of cheek!”  There is nothing about me or you that will make Jesus turn from us, in fact, He is wooing us even now.  He delights in us!  Ephesians 1:5 says, “God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ.  This is what he wanted to do and it gave him great pleasure.”  (NLT, emphasis mine)  His presence is drawing anyone who opens their heart to seek Him.  Maybe you’ve heard that there would be a teaching or opportunity to meet Jesus, but felt that you were not worthy of His time.  In ADVANCE He decided that YOU are worth it!  This is not an, “Everyone but me,” thing.  This is a you thing!  He loves you!

There is an allegory in the Old Testament in the book of Hosea.  Now the whole book gets pretty deep and is confusing, but the beginning of the book shares a story of a man named Hosea and compares that relationship to His relationship with Israel or the People He LOVES.  Hosea was VERY righteous and esteemed, and God asks him to marry a prostitute.  We’re talking a pure and righteous man marrying a used up woman.  He obeys, she runs away and gets pregnant by another man.  He BUYS her back!  He shows her selfless love!  This is an example of the love that Jesus has for us.  "'When that day comes,' says the Lord, 'you will call me "my husband" instead of "my master."’"  The price he pays was 15 pieces of silver, some barley and some wine.  Quite a price to pay for someone who has been unfaithful and is cheating, even at the moment they are being bought back.

Over and over again in the Word, God is redeeming or buying back or loving back people who don’t think they are worth it.  He is still doing that today.  While human beings may fail to show the true love of Jesus, He never has quit loving you.  He wants you to just come home and the price He paid was more than 15 pieces of silver.  It was His own life.

For those of you who have been around the church a while and know this story particularly, you may have always heard it told about worship and breaking the alabaster jar as an act of worship to God.  That’s good, but this is also a redemption story.  This is my story.  This is your story.

Are you the one who has never felt wanted by the church, especially?  By Jesus?  Do you think that He has kept a record of your past?  He knows that your extreme forgiveness will bring extreme worship.

Notice that this woman worshiped without singing or playing a note!


Are you the one who is in the church and has been on the fringes because you have felt disqualified by your past?  He decided in advance to bring you into His family.  You delight Him!


Are you the one who loves Jesus and serves Him faithfully, but there’s just that one thing that you’ve been holding on to that really prevents you from coming fully before Him?  Remember He has been building relationship with you all along and wants you to come closer, because He knows there’s room!

Yes, this story is often about extravagant worship, but it is also about extravagant forgiveness!  Let Him wash you as you wash Him!

Leave A Mark

I was looking through my blog posts and found several unpublished drafts.  This was written in 2013 and never published.  I don't know exactly what I was going through at the time, but here it is.

A week or so ago, I read a question asking what we believe God is ultimately calling us to.  I had a hard time with that.  I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now, but haven't considered where I will even be in 5 years.  Am I still going to homeschool?  Am I still going to teach at church or be a worship leader?  Am I even going to keep my unsporting license or will I be back in nursing full-time?  I prayed through all of that, but I still don't have an answer to any of those questions.  I'm really okay with that, too!  Here is what I do know, I am going to leave a mark!
This is not a vision of grandeur or a pipe dream.  I am going to leave a mark in history during my lifetime.  If I happen to have done that already for someone, then great, but my life isn't over and I'm going to do it again and again until I can no longer move or speak.  I am not satisfied with just being a piece of wallpaper, I'm going to be a usable vessel.  When I leave this world, I don't really even care if my name is remembered or even my face.  The mark I desire to leave is a knowing of the Creator of the universe.  The One who formed my face and called it lovely.  The One who made my voice and desires to hear it speaking and singing praises to Him who is Worthy of all praise!  I want to make known Jesus!
By my actions and by my words, I desire that others will want to know this Jesus, the Word made Flesh.  I don't want that they would be turned off to Him because of my hippocracy!  I am human, but I want to live what I believe.  When others see the best parts of me, I want them to know that it is Him in me.  I am not good in my own power.  I read a poem to my kids and it took me looking up word to help explain the meaning to them for me to grasp it as well.  Wow!  It is powerful and reinforces what I've already been contemplating.  I will share the last few stanzas here:

A PSALM OF LIFE 
by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time;

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.


Wow!  I want to leave footprints on the sands of time!  That's my goal.  I won't do bizarre stunts so that people will be talking about me.  But, if He calls me to do something unusual, I don't want the fear of man to hinder my obedience.  I would even be grateful to be a nameless mention, but my action remembered as was the Samaritan woman at the well or the sinful woman who anointed Jesus' feet.  Lord, give me words of Life!
When I have spoken His words to someone and they hear with their hearts, let it be His voice they hear, not mine.  Let my heart not be offended when they do not remember that I was the vessel for the delivery of the message.  May I be reminded that I prayed that all glory be to The Lord of Hosts!

Drawing Near

"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you."
That has been on my heart this week and I can't shake it.  I actually had it as though it said, "Draw near to Me and I will draw near to you."  Jesus didn't say that exact line.  While he could have said that, it is not recorded in the gospels.  This is a portion of scripture in James 4:8.  It is not even the whole verse nor even the whole context.  Yes, it can stand alone; however, it has more fullness when looking at the whole context.  I'm always amazed when what I thought I knew is only a portion of the fullness of what I can know.

James 4:1-10 NIV  What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? ² You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. ³ When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

⁴ You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. ⁵ Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us? ⁶ But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:

    “God opposes the proud
    but shows favor to the humble.”

⁷ Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. ⁸ Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. ⁹ Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. ¹⁰ Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

¹¹ Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. ¹² There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?

I am not a deep theologian, but from this text it appears that James is speaking to a group of people who are not getting along.  James is writing to them and giving them truth and some pointers to overcome these issues.  There are battles within them.  They ask for things with wrong motives.  They are not humble.  He says in verse 7 to submit to God and resist the devil.  Come near to God and He WILL come near to you (verse 8).  Purify your hearts.  Humble yourselves before the Lord and He will lift you up (verse 10).  Don't talk about each other.  I believe that out of the overflow of the love you have for Christ, these things will come. 
Holiness isn't something to just sign up for and BOOM you got it.  It is something to work at.  Righteousness is something that comes through seeking the Lord and finding Him.  There are struggles.  There will be struggles.  Jesus was even tempted, and by the Word of God, He overcame.  He desires a relationship with us and in light of that relationship, our desires will be drawn toward Him and no other.
I'm doing studies on the Gospel of John and the epistle of I John in my church right now and it seems like there's a theme in the message Jesus gives to His disciples right before His crucifixion in John 13-16 as well as the message in I John.  I leave you with a few of these scriptures as well as portions of Isaiah 55.  May there be for you Shalom, His peace.

John 13:34-35 ³⁴ “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. ³⁵ By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

John 14:12-14  ¹² Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. ¹³ And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. ¹⁴ You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.

John 15:5  “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

John 15:9-12 ⁹ “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. ¹⁰ If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. ¹¹ I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. ¹² My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.

I John 2:9-11 ⁹ Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister is still in the darkness. ¹⁰ Anyone who loves their brother and sister lives in the light, and there is nothing in them to make them stumble. ¹¹ But anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness. They do not know where they are going, because the darkness has blinded them.

I John 4:7-12 ⁷ Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. ⁸ Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. ⁹ This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. ¹⁰ This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ¹¹ Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. ¹² No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

Isaiah 55:1,6-9 

“Come, all you who are thirsty,
    come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
    come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
    without money and without cost.

⁶ Seek the Lord while he may be found;
    call on him while he is near.
⁷ Let the wicked forsake their ways
    and the unrighteous their thoughts.
Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them,
    and to our God, for he will freely pardon.

⁸ “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
    declares the Lord.
⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

 

In order, to love Him more

Often I have an idea of what I want to write about and know the title before I begin, but not so this time.  I've really been challenged to move up with my relationship with Christ, my husband, my family, and my friends.  I was extremely overwhelmed with feeling like a slug a few weeks ago because I was letting selfishness and truly idleness get between me and my husband which outflows into every other area of my life.  I was keeping up daily Bible time, but some days it was simply Bible time.  I mentioned a week or so ago about a hinge decision that I wanted to make, but follow-through wasn't happening.  It's hard to follow through when you never really start.
I went to a women's conference with my church this last weekend and my heart was pretty convicted about things that I need to get straightened out in my life in order of 1. God 2. marriage 3. self 4. family 5. ministry 6. friendships 7. others.  Yes, I'm failing to some extent in every area of my life ... so I was thinking maybe I need to lay down ministry things for a while until I've worked the rest out.  UH NO!  Actually Holy Spirit was gentle with me and spoke to my heart, "If everyone in ministry laid down ministry while they worked out their issues, no one would be left to minister."  OK.  So I as usual began to mentally come up with how to resolve everything.  A scurry of thoughts came to me and beautiful, Kristi Estrada, shared a little thing that she was frustrated about and as she was, I don't remember if questioning God or frustrated or what and God gently told her that He was not working on that area in her yet.  It was like an epiphany!  No, I realize that I know this deep down, but I cannot fix everything at once.  Like when the Israelites were going into the promised land and little by little they took ground.  It wasn't like Desert ---- Promised Land, BOOM!  No worries!  One thing at a time. Actually solving some things help with others and sometimes eliminates a need to fix other things. 
A house needs a foundation.  A good one.  Let me make sure my foundation is right - ON CHRIST THE SOLID ROCK I STAND.  Okay!  Well since salvation is worked out daily, this is an ongoing process so now I keep this going and because of my love for God, I work on my marriage and my love for my husband is an image of Christ's love for the church.  Actually backward, my marriage should be in the image of Christ's love for the church, because that is perfect and ours is not.  A healthy marriage will help me with self image.  My husband is way more kind to me than I am to myself.  I included self separate from marriage and not because I believe that we are separate, we are one.  I included it because my husband cannot make me eat right and exercise and like who I am and what I look like.  I'm not talking Jezebel adornment, but out of love for those around me, I need to shower and dress appropriately.
So if I am self-confident (not prideful or separate from, or non-reliant on God), have a healthy marriage and a daily relationship with God, the overflow will affect my family.  My children will benefit!  If I have a strong family, my ministry will be more effective, my friendships will be stronger and even beyond that, my witness will be more effective.  To clarify, I am not a paid minister.  I have some ministries that I'm involved in or lead, but you don't have to lead anything to have a ministry.
I ask that readers not pick apart and analyze the order in which I listed.  This isn't some formula for everyone and I likely will not have to systematically go through each step each time I fail in an area, but I do know that if I'm faltering in #1, I am very weak in the rest of these things.  That to me is a non-negotiable number 1.  Really, marriage is a non-negotiable #2.  The rest are sometimes dynamic, they overlap and change order.  I haven't always gotten 1 and 2 right. 
Another aspect of having the foundation in Christ is Holy Spirit.  I Corinthians 3:16 says, "Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you?" ESV  Father.  Son.  Holy Spirit.  Having one is having all.  If we pay attention, Holy Spirit will highlight areas that we need to work on.  Recognizing that urging or knowing the right thing to do is not hard, but desiring to follow it is.  I KNOW that sometimes I am sensing the Holy Spirit's direction, but I don't want to obey, so I shove it aside and do something else.  Even in my darkest years of rebellion, I knew when I was doing wrong and made a choice to do wrong.
So now I look upon my life and recognize that I, in my own power am not able to live even remotely an exemplary life.  I can, however, work out my salvation daily and follow His Spirit even when I don't want to.  Do I stop and pray every moment before I do anything?  No.  Do I pray without ceasing?  Sometimes my days are a constant prayer, others not.  Do I pause and pray when I don't know what to do next?  Often.  Do I pray when I'm desperate?  Pretty much!  I am more dependent in desperation than in prosperity and I'm sure many people would say the same.  I'm really striving to live by the Spirit and live in an attitude of prayer.  I'm learning that sometimes non-action is the correct action.  There are times where I'm desperately asking for what I should do and I'm hearing NOTHING!  Well, sometimes I just need to understand that, no action is exactly why I'm not hearing anything when I ask what I need to DO. 
Let us strive to know the Voice of Truth so that we know when to respond rightly.  The enemy is tricky and would love for us to say, "no," to God's voice.  The enemy would love to have us think that we are obeying by changing a few words or getting us to argue or fight about trivial things with others who are Christians.  The best way of knowing the voice of Truth is to read the Bible for ourselves.  When we know the real deal, we will be able to recognize the imitation.

In spite of us

This weekend we watched the Rich Mullins story on Netflix.  Rich Mullins was an inspiration to me, I remember when he died thinking that there was so much more for him to do, but God took him home.  I was just inspired by his music because it was raw and real.  I never followed the artist himself to see what a wreck his life was.  God still used him, though.  Now as I see parts of my life that are laid bare and pretty ugly, I know that God uses me in spite of my inadequacies and frailty. 
I watched a video testimony years ago from a man named John Mulinde.  Not sure of the spelling.  Several parts of it impacted me, but one thing stands out right now that God worked through John in spite of John and not because of John.  I said something similar as our church did an outreach last Saturday.  Today it was reflected back to me as I shared that I woke up from a dream where someone was telling me that I'm unfit to be in church leadership anywhere.  Many are unfit, but God uses us in spite of us.
This morning I finished a devotional on YouVersion entitled, You Remain - My Personal Wrestling Match With God by Tim Timmons.  He challenges readers to meditate on the first part of John 15 for a whole week. 

John 14:1-8 NIV  “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.² He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. ³ You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. ⁴ Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.   

⁵ “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. ⁶ If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. ⁷ If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. ⁸ This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples."

Yay for the pruning... not really, it hurts!  So here I am knowing that the good fruit that is coming from God.  In spite of me.  Thankful for friends who pour out life giving words and walk with me through my depravity.

Getting Started

There are so many things in life that we plan to do.  From Bible Studies, to diets, to higher education we are always planning the next thing.  I am personally planning how to sell some of my handmade goods and starting to work on a healthier lifestyle.  I can envision myself exercising and having a small business, but unless I execute these decisions, there is no fruit in planning.
My church began to study a book called, A Life that Wins, by Mike Holt on the first weekend in September.  We are reading the book and doing daily studies and small group studies and a sermon series from this book.  The first chapter was routine information for any time that we want to make a lasting change in our lives.  Though the wording was a little different than other books, the same principles are introduced in most "programs" that will help you get out of a rut.  The twist is that in the midst of doing something for yourself, you are encouraged to do a personal outreach as well.  This is reaching out to someone that is unchurched to just be a friend and introduce them to a relationship with Christ.  I'm so not good at that!
So during that first chapter we were challenged to make a hinge decision for our personal goals.  My hinge decision was in the area of fitness.  I followed the instructions and wrote out a plan.  I made it detailed with the goal, steps toward the goal, deadlines and rewards.  I am literally worse off now in week 4 than week 1.  I am 4 pounds heavier and much lazier than I was when I started.  It's as if a rebellion has risen up within me against getting out of bed in the morning to exercise.  When I eat an unhealthy thing, I eat 4 because I already slipped up.  The thoughts have welled up within me about not ever really starting in the first place and we're already 4 weeks in and so I might as well coast through the rest.  I can lose weight and become fit another day.  My unchurched friend is churched after all.  I'm teaching our small group and I'm probably the biggest failure in my class.
HAHA!  Mike apparently knew I'd feel this way because this week's first lesson, first paragraph says, "It is an important week because at the half-way point of any kind of spiritual commitment you make, fatigue can settle in, the enemy can come against you, and you can either choose to backpedal on your hinge decision  or allow it to become permanent in our life." ~Week 4 Day 22  I'm not just backpedalling, I haven't really pedaled anywhere to backpedal from!  I am really enjoying the readings in this book and would recommend it to anyone who is curious about it.  I feel that there is a richness to different parts of the Word that he brings out.  That is not the sole intent of this book, so I'm back in the same place that I land so often.  In the middle of a challenge and have missed the mark so far that I'm feeling done.

Farmers who wait for perfect weather...

Last Sunday as our Pastor's wife read a portion of the Bible before offering time, I was triggered by another phrase and looked it up.  Yes, I get sidetracked easily!  The passage was Ecclesiastes 11:4 "Farmers who wait for perfect weather never plant.  If they watch every cloud, they never harvest."  NLT  I've been reading each daily reading of this book with that scripture in mind.  I have been meditating on it for the whole week so far.
What is perfect weather?  Well for me and the goal of fitness, it usually means the beginning of a week.  Monday and not Sunday because we have a different schedule on Sundays than any other day of the week.  It means that I'm beginning a new book, devotional or diet kick starter.  It means I'm waiting for someone who truly wants to be my partner in accountability is ready at the same time as I am.  It means after I make out a better menu and go to the grocery store or get a perfect night's sleep.  I can wait and wait for perfect weather, but I will never begin my journey with fitness.
Spiritually speaking, what is perfect weather?  When I get my life straightened out first, then I will start on the thing God is calling me to.  After I quit smoking I will start going to church.  When my friend asks me about church, I will invite them to join me.  When I don't have any appointments for a week, I will do a 7 day fast.  When I make enough money, I will start to tithe.
Perfect weather is a VERY rare thing.  Sometimes it comes along, but I'm married to a farmer and he is a master at this.  Even if we get rain that we've been praying for, I will be excited and bring it up with him.  It either rained too much (extremely rare), too little, too much wind with it, too quick, not in the right field.  I tease my husband often about never being satisfied or being pessimistic, but farmers are more in tune with the weather than most.  I was hoping my husband would come home early from corn harvesting last night because of the rain we got the night before, but as soon as the ground was able to hold a combine, he was back in the field to harvest.  Bring it in!  If a cloudy day or a forecast of rain scared him out of the field, the grain would rot without ever being harvested.  If they waited for ideal planting conditions, they may not get the planting done.
Figuratively speaking, there are always situations that would scare us "out of the field."  I like to call them reasons, but really they are excuses.  There is an old hymn that say,  "Just as I am..."  God does take us just as we are.  Romans 5:8 says, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." NIV  It doesn't say that when the weather of our lives is perfect, His death is for us.  Truly, if we were to try to be good or do good without His grace or Holy Spirit, we would be unsuccessful.  Sure, back in week 1 the weather for me was more perfect because as a linear thinker actually starting something in the middle of the process.  Regardless, I need to make today my starting point or else I will never start.

Why we didn't show

There are certain times of year my family chooses to stay home and this is one of them.  It started over 11 years ago, that much I am sure of because my husband and I struggled with infertility.  We were learning about the feasts of the Bible and decided to look into the meaning of "Christian" holidays.  We discovered the fertility goddess who is known by multiple names: Ishtar, Estera, Ashoreth, Ashera, and probably other forms including Easter.  There are many resources that say various things that we have reviewed through the years and they say similar things about the practices that revolve around the celebration and worship if this goddess.

If one would look her up they would see that she in some form fell from the sky in an egg in the area of the Euphrates river.  There are several variations of a story about people having orgies around her shrine or in her honor and one particular one shares that those impregnated during this celebration would return the next year and sacrifice these 3 month old infants to the goddess.  Some references go as far as to say they took eggs and dyed them in the blood of the infants to make the original Estera Egg.

As a woman who'd had at least one miscarriage of three at the point of reading this, I vowed then never to dye another Easter egg.  The whole idea actually repulsed me and still does.  I chose to trust The Living God, Jehovah, YHWH to give me children and have nothing to do with Easter celebrations.  My husband was in full agreed and actually was a partner in this research.  We came to the same conclusion at the same time.  

In fact, our church body had been doing research on holidays and little by little collected pieces of information on several celebrations such as Halloween and Christmas that changed the way we celebrated.  At the same time that we learned about those things we began researching the feasts of the Bible and started celebrating them.  Anyone who would argue that we are just replacing "fun" holidays with the feasts actually have it backward.  As culture changed, people began to forget the feasts and call them a Jewish thing and started embracing other seasonal celebrations.  It didn't start as an intent to worship idols, but to have a party.  I don't think most people who celebrate some of these holidays are intending to worship idols, but are just enjoying a celebration. 

My family DOES celebrate resurrection and Christ's birth, but we also celebrate Passover, the feast of dedication (Hanukkah), Purim, Sukkot, Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashannah.  I believe that Jesus came to fulfill the feasts of the Bible and learning about the feasts helps us to know Him better.  No, it is not required for Gentiles and no, we don't celebrate like the Jews or have week long celebrations.  We study them and have small celebrations.  We are ever learning and considering what, who and why we celebrate.  We have raised our two children without trick or treating, without the Easter Bunny and without Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or leprechauns.  They are doing just fine.

We have since moved to an area where we would find a new church and have gone to the one that we believe God called us to.  It is different in many ways from our former church and some of them are very good for us as a family.  Others are hard to adjust to, but when God calls you to be a part of a "family," you can't leave the family because you don't agree with 100% of the things they do.  When the kids had a costume party in October, we stayed home that night.  When they have Easter Egg Hunts, we just don't participate.  It sounds like we are just cold and don't consider the entire thing, but it is a big deal and we choose as a family and talk to our children about the choice and give them an opportunity to say everything they want even if they think we won't like it.

This year I would say has to be the most difficult one for me personally.  The church is putting on an outreach to evangelize, which is what it is every year.  This year's is in a different location than before to accommodate larger crowds and bring in more people.  The goal is to minister to the community and present the Truth about The Ressurrection.  There are many fun activities planned and when it was first announced I was very conflicted.  I pictured where I could be used, but did not sign up as I needed to pray about the whole thing.  My daughter wanted to go in hopes to win a new bike and we needed to make a decision so we could talk with our kids.  My husband and I discussed, prayed and researched.

I have been reading in 2 Kings and one king would come and cut down the Ashera poles, the next would allow them to be re-erected, the next would cut them down.  Those that cut them down pleased The Lord.  I didn't find a place where they went to the Ashera celebrations and converted people to follow God.  Also as we researched and again found Ashera and Easter are the same, I could not justify in my heart participating in that ministry event.  Easter wasn't even celebrated in the US for it's first 100 or more years.  Additionally, there have been a few people from foreign countries who know my husband is a Christian and they've asked him why we in America celebrate Easter the way we do.  Other cultures see that the eggs and bunny and other various holiday symbols are not Christian.  They recognize that Easter and resurrection are 2 completely separate things.

Even though my husband and I had settled to follow through with the convictions we've held for over a decade we still needed to have our family discussion.  My daughter was more interested in winning a bike than going to the egg hunt. My son was indifferent.  We agree that we support our church and if we were directly asked, we would assist with portions that we need to for our church to succeed.  We also agree that no one in our church is there to worship the goddess, but hope to plant the seed of Jesus into participants.  Why not us?  Our family feels that to do this would be to compromise our convictions.  

Some friends and family will never understand our decision and may even judge us and I can live with that.  I enjoy being asked to help even when I can't, but this year, knowing our convictions, we were not approached.  For a brief moment, it felt like rejection, but it was actually respect.  We especially want to engrain in our children the Biblical holidays and not their alternatives.  Each family must choose what they will.  If this post gives you a greater conviction to evangelize Easter, then great, do it.  Mostly I would like people to understand why they choose what they choose and not just make a choice because that is what they've always done.  I did that again this year.  This article from Answers In Genesis gives more historical background.  http://www.answersingenesis.org/articles/2011/04/26/symbols-easter-pagan

Searching for Significance: A journey in thought and prayer

Searching for significance
Is it approval?  Is it significance?  What do I seek when among friends?  Do my stories need to be greater, funnier, or even told to be counted a friend or active participant in a group?  How can one who laughs and carries on feel lonely in the laughter?
Knowing you've over-stepped the boundaries of comfortable you try to withdraw.  That not being an option, you try to cover it up, blending insecurity with not so funny tales.  Sympathetic laughter echoes in the hollowness of the soul closed off.  Heart discussion cut off as you listen half-heatedly to another baring their soul and receiving the same response from you as you perceived from them.
Talking, laughing, preparing what you will say next, not even in reply.  Listening, listening, who is listening.  We have not been listening.  ALONE with your thoughts in a crowded room.  Who will hear MY thoughts, MY desires.  Who will agree?  What if no one takes MY position?  Well, there is the problem. . . The overstepped boundaries were not with those in the room.  They were with The Uncreated One.
My righteousness turned into my rightness.  Justified by a sense of knowing Truth.  Most men know truth, but walking in Truth is altogether different.  Isolation that is self-made by the self-righteous one walking around without a thought of others and at the same time worrying about what others think of me.
“Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered— how fleeting my life is. You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand. My entire lifetime is just a moment to you; at best, each of us is but a breath.” Interlude (Psalms 39:4, 5 NLT)
Let me again die to self.  Let me find peace in You!  That is where my significance lies.  Eternity awaits!
Walking in step with You and following You brought me to these beloved friends.  Reading your Word and letting it roll off the barrier of me that I've erected rather than allowing it to penetrate my heart is not working.  Walking within this place of self is lonely.  Hide me in You!
If I have that assurance that You have gone before me and I haven't drug You along as an afterthought, I will be at ease.  If at that time I am to walk in solitude from this world, I will be contented in knowing that the One who matters is my Guide.  I trust You!  I cling to You!  I am not alone!  And You have provided those who will walk alongside me in this life because You love me.  I'm forever indebted to You, my Breath, my Joy, my Savior.
Thank You for the breakthrough in this obstacle!  Take me to the next level!  Help me to obey on each step of the journey!    In Your beautiful Name, Jesus, I pray.  Amen.

Kingdom Principle: Give and It Shall Be Given Unto You

Sometimes I over share, and tonight as a miracle happened in our home, I initially blamed myself for my open mouth problem.  Where to begin...?  

Humble Thank You!

In my over-sharing even now, I don't want to give the impression that we are without met needs.  There are just times when we over-spend and have several lines of credit that have payments that eat up a bigger portion of our budget than is comfortable.  Rather than neglect our obligations, we cut out luxuries.  We don't eat out.  We reuse leftover food and make creative second meals.  We buy flour, sugar, eggs and oil to make homemade junk food.  We don't go bowling or on joy rides in the car.  We drive the car rather than the newer and nicer pickup for fuel economy... Basic budget cuts.  We are not going to even be without heat or food, we just simplify our lives.  Actually, it's good for us.

Now in the past few weeks I tried to sell a few things to make a little extra cash, but it worked out that it was a very little amount of $5.  I knew in my heart that I was supposed to give some money for something that I could have asked someone else to cover easily.  Today was the day and I showed my husband ... It wasn't very much, and he said, "You're the one who knows how much money we have." I replied that I really wasn't sure what we have, but it's the right thing to do.

I shared with a group of friends a little about Kingdom finance tonight and that He takes care of things in a way we don't understand.  In that I shared that we don't have extra money to seed into a project right now and that we ate deer stew and it told my kids it was part of our lessons for school about early colonies.  This is true, but I had other food to eat too in the freezer and shelves.  I'm just being conscious of wasting as little as possible right now.  

Our meeting is over, my husband gave the money and got home first to find an envelope on our door with money in it... Anonymous.  He called me to tell me and immediately I felt guilty.  I told him that I should not have said what I said.  We have everything we need.  Then he reminded me that I gave and said, "it's the right thing to do."  What I gave wasn't much at all and what I received was more.  Yes, I'm overwhelmed by the goodness of God right now.  Am I so proud as to believe that my rambling speech moved someone more than God could?  Anonymous also means it could have been from someone who had no idea that I said those words, no idea I was talking about Kingdom finance tonight among other things.  

Is it important to know who and why?  No!  I just need to trust that for whatever reason, God showed me a tangible sign that what I spoke was Truth.  I am an ambassador of Christ, and the finances for an ambassador come from the Kingdom that sent him or her.  It doesn't have to make sense.  I am thankful to my God and to whoever was so stirred as to obey Him.  This proves to me and hopefully others that He cares about the tiniest details of our lives.  He also takes notice of our tiny acts of obedience.  While I give God the credit for this testimony, I did ask Him to bless the giver with 10 times as much as they gave.  If the giver is reading this and receives that blessing, they will have a great testimony as well!