Searching for Significance: A journey in thought and prayer

Searching for significance
Is it approval?  Is it significance?  What do I seek when among friends?  Do my stories need to be greater, funnier, or even told to be counted a friend or active participant in a group?  How can one who laughs and carries on feel lonely in the laughter?
Knowing you've over-stepped the boundaries of comfortable you try to withdraw.  That not being an option, you try to cover it up, blending insecurity with not so funny tales.  Sympathetic laughter echoes in the hollowness of the soul closed off.  Heart discussion cut off as you listen half-heatedly to another baring their soul and receiving the same response from you as you perceived from them.
Talking, laughing, preparing what you will say next, not even in reply.  Listening, listening, who is listening.  We have not been listening.  ALONE with your thoughts in a crowded room.  Who will hear MY thoughts, MY desires.  Who will agree?  What if no one takes MY position?  Well, there is the problem. . . The overstepped boundaries were not with those in the room.  They were with The Uncreated One.
My righteousness turned into my rightness.  Justified by a sense of knowing Truth.  Most men know truth, but walking in Truth is altogether different.  Isolation that is self-made by the self-righteous one walking around without a thought of others and at the same time worrying about what others think of me.
“Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered— how fleeting my life is. You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand. My entire lifetime is just a moment to you; at best, each of us is but a breath.” Interlude (Psalms 39:4, 5 NLT)
Let me again die to self.  Let me find peace in You!  That is where my significance lies.  Eternity awaits!
Walking in step with You and following You brought me to these beloved friends.  Reading your Word and letting it roll off the barrier of me that I've erected rather than allowing it to penetrate my heart is not working.  Walking within this place of self is lonely.  Hide me in You!
If I have that assurance that You have gone before me and I haven't drug You along as an afterthought, I will be at ease.  If at that time I am to walk in solitude from this world, I will be contented in knowing that the One who matters is my Guide.  I trust You!  I cling to You!  I am not alone!  And You have provided those who will walk alongside me in this life because You love me.  I'm forever indebted to You, my Breath, my Joy, my Savior.
Thank You for the breakthrough in this obstacle!  Take me to the next level!  Help me to obey on each step of the journey!    In Your beautiful Name, Jesus, I pray.  Amen.

Kingdom Principle: Give and It Shall Be Given Unto You

Sometimes I over share, and tonight as a miracle happened in our home, I initially blamed myself for my open mouth problem.  Where to begin...?  

Humble Thank You!

In my over-sharing even now, I don't want to give the impression that we are without met needs.  There are just times when we over-spend and have several lines of credit that have payments that eat up a bigger portion of our budget than is comfortable.  Rather than neglect our obligations, we cut out luxuries.  We don't eat out.  We reuse leftover food and make creative second meals.  We buy flour, sugar, eggs and oil to make homemade junk food.  We don't go bowling or on joy rides in the car.  We drive the car rather than the newer and nicer pickup for fuel economy... Basic budget cuts.  We are not going to even be without heat or food, we just simplify our lives.  Actually, it's good for us.

Now in the past few weeks I tried to sell a few things to make a little extra cash, but it worked out that it was a very little amount of $5.  I knew in my heart that I was supposed to give some money for something that I could have asked someone else to cover easily.  Today was the day and I showed my husband ... It wasn't very much, and he said, "You're the one who knows how much money we have." I replied that I really wasn't sure what we have, but it's the right thing to do.

I shared with a group of friends a little about Kingdom finance tonight and that He takes care of things in a way we don't understand.  In that I shared that we don't have extra money to seed into a project right now and that we ate deer stew and it told my kids it was part of our lessons for school about early colonies.  This is true, but I had other food to eat too in the freezer and shelves.  I'm just being conscious of wasting as little as possible right now.  

Our meeting is over, my husband gave the money and got home first to find an envelope on our door with money in it... Anonymous.  He called me to tell me and immediately I felt guilty.  I told him that I should not have said what I said.  We have everything we need.  Then he reminded me that I gave and said, "it's the right thing to do."  What I gave wasn't much at all and what I received was more.  Yes, I'm overwhelmed by the goodness of God right now.  Am I so proud as to believe that my rambling speech moved someone more than God could?  Anonymous also means it could have been from someone who had no idea that I said those words, no idea I was talking about Kingdom finance tonight among other things.  

Is it important to know who and why?  No!  I just need to trust that for whatever reason, God showed me a tangible sign that what I spoke was Truth.  I am an ambassador of Christ, and the finances for an ambassador come from the Kingdom that sent him or her.  It doesn't have to make sense.  I am thankful to my God and to whoever was so stirred as to obey Him.  This proves to me and hopefully others that He cares about the tiniest details of our lives.  He also takes notice of our tiny acts of obedience.  While I give God the credit for this testimony, I did ask Him to bless the giver with 10 times as much as they gave.  If the giver is reading this and receives that blessing, they will have a great testimony as well!

The Battle Between Good and Evil.

I found this in my blog history from 2013 and I never published it.  I'm not sure why I didn't then, so I'm going out on a limb and publishing it today.  

It seems another victory is on the horizon from the opposing team if we don't step up and take action. The opposing team darkness, the home team, Light.  The occasion is Halloween, All Hallows' Eve, beggars night.  The winning strategy... Division in the Church.

Halloween has never been celebrated in my home since my marriage.  It was really no big deal to just quietly bow out of festivities.  We've helped out with fall festivals and alternatives, but our family conviction has deepened over nearly 18 years of marriage.  The past 10 years with children were the first to draw questions as we never dressed up our babies.  For the most part, people are very gracious when I give the simple answer that we don't participate.  When people offer things to my children, we accept the treats and make a decision on what to do with the items, usually candy.

Enough about what I do.  That isn't why I feel compelled to write.  Anyone who professes faith in Jesus Christ is a target of this particular attack from the enemy of our souls.  It does not matter how you spend October 31 and the surrounding days.  It is our attitude toward other Christians regarding their choice that has become a foothold for Satan.  

Since the beginning of the Christian church, there have been arguments about how Christians should worship or act.  This is where denominations come from.  In the beginning of America, groups of people were fleeing from European countries in hopes to have freedom in worship.  Some sought gold and some adventure, but Quakers, separatists, pilgrims, saints came here seeking this freedom.  Now we have it, and we live and move and have our being in Him.

I know how I feel and am drawn to blogs and articles and posts on Facebook to support my point of view.  I also read a blog recently that is not my stance, but I saw her point ... at people like me as wrong and disobeying the Bible.  I confess I felt a little offense rise up in me.  It wasn't her choice that got me, but her statements about people who disagree with her.  Something my dad said on Facebook reminded me of her statements and I was becoming angry at a lot of things.  I won't share all of that right now.  

With encouragement of a friend, I began to seek The Lord for His wisdom.  Every thread about Halloween on Facebook pages of Christians is full of comments from every angle.  Evangelizing, having nothing to do with it, just having fun, safe alternatives, breaking the darkness, and other views are not just shared, but are turning into fiery debates.  Many sides of the argument giving scripture to support.

One Christian might say that because their church didn't have an alternative event, they are going somewhere else.  Another would say that because their church allowed costumes, they're going somewhere else.  Here goes the church hop which is a sign of division and all over what?  Halloween.  The holiday where the majority of Christians on all sides of the argument end the argument with, "What's the big deal about it?"  One writer says that apparently it's a bigger deal than you think if it gets you riled up enough to take sides.  Although I don't remember the topic of discussion in which that statement was made, I suggest it applies here.

We as Christians judge other Christians.  You may say, "Not me!"  I say, "Yes, you!"  If not about Halloween, about Christmas, if not about Christmas, about worship style, if not about that about how they spend money and the list goes on and on and on...  The Bible tells us to,"judge not."  Amazingly, that is a Bible phrase almost every Christian can spout out in times of need.  I'm finding that I use it most when I am offended.  I would dare to say that we Christians are more understanding of non-Christians, than we are of other Christians who don't act they way we do.

I offer a challenge for Christians regarding Halloween today and whatever offends you about other Christians tomorrow.  We know what we believe, let us take it to The Lord as a matter of prayer.  Holy Spirit will give your heart peace or convict you and guide you.  Search the scriptures for yourself and let God speak to you through them.  Challenge your friends to do the same.  Then TRUST that your friends have done the same even if they come to a different understanding than you.  If you can have healthy discussions with friends, then do that.  Each of you may discover something you didn't consider.  Know why you made your choices.

What my family does this year is not going to look a lot different than previous years, BUT I understand that God doesn't call everyone to look the same.  A public minister that I've followed for years had teachings that lined up with my beliefs about Halloween and they made a dramatic change this year.  I don't agree with it completely and, yes, I became offended.  This minister prays faithfully and this change is what God spoke to them.  I have to trust that the change was made in obedience and I need to show this person love, not contempt. 
There are plenty of battles that to fight, so please don't fight your own team, your family, the body of Christ.  Let's listen to the Holy Spirit, know the real enemy and fight together! 

Slingshot

Recently, I was given the opportunity to lead worship at a conference with invitees from my entire state.  I have never led worship in that setting before.  I've traveled with other teams and worshiped in other towns, but it has always been under the covering of another worship leader.  I am confident in the anointing of worship leader, but this was a different responsibility level than I've ever had before.  I've been in a lead role less than a year and though I've been trained for such things, my confidence was a bit shaky for this time.
A few weeks before the conference, I was really questioning the Lord.  "Why me?"  I am not a school trained musician.  I have never taken piano lessons.  I do know how to chord, but in over 10 years one would think my skill level would have improved more significantly.  I was in my garden telling God about my inadequacy, especially in the keyboarding skills that I have (or lack).  I have never heard God speak in an audible voice, but I do recognize when He speaks to me.  He spoke very clearly to my heart, "Your keyboard is your slingshot."  That was all, but it was enough.
I spent quite some time pondering that statement.  My keyboard is my slingshot.  Through time in the Word and time of meditation on Him, I have come to understand what He meant.  A slingshot in my hands really is insignificant.  Even Goliath thought a slingshot was insignificant in David's hands, when he was still alive to think.  He taunted saying that Israel thinks he is a dog coming at him with sticks.  That slingshot was the tool that God gave David for that moment to accomplish His purpose!  It may look insignificant, but it was the exact tool that God wanted used.
My keyboard has sat in different rooms of my home and gets dusty, it is scratched up and one of the keys works when it feels like working, but it is significant in my hands because God said so.  Period.  I still do not have refined skills.  Last Sunday leading worship, I made so many mistakes on it that I lost count.  I still pressed into Him.  In my weakness He is strong!  This tool that may seem insignificant accomplished the purpose that God designed for that conference.  I believe it is a lasting Word for me too, His purpose didn't end with that conference.  When I am in doubt, I still have His Words to me in my heart.  I don't naturally come up with encouraging words for myself.  I usually hear the voice of the enemy as my own voice telling me that I am not good enough.  I know that I couldn't have thought this up on my own.  I wasn't even studying David.  I was reading Genesis and Judges at the time.
Here's the thing now.  I believe that God is speaking to hearts right now.  He has given others a tool or tools that may seem insignificant.  A drawing pencil, a computer, a pair of scissors, a football, or a garden rake may seem insignificant, but if God put it in your hands and tells you to use it, it is significant.  It is your slingshot.  You may not hear His voice, but say you were just drawing a cartoon and someone calls you up and asks if you can help them illustrate a Sunday School lesson.  You realize that it is for a higher purpose.  That is your slingshot.  It may not be as big as a state wide conference or it may be bigger!  I don't know, but if He put it in your hand and gave you an opportunity to use if for His glory, it is significant!
I am still a nobody who just wants to be faithful to His Kingdom purpose.  My name is not on the lips of many.  Very few people have been or will ever be in a service where I lead worship and yet I may travel the world.  I just want to be available and go where He sends me.  I don't even know how His purposes were accomplished through my keyboard and I may never in this life know, but I believe they were.
Are you ready to pick up your slingshot and use it?

Thought for the day June 3, 2013

I just experienced a moment with my kids arguing.  I tried to single one out to discuss the issue and correct it, but the other consistently yelled at the other telling them how wrong they were. this condemning was so loud that it was not easy to hear my voice and correction.  We dealt with the whole thing. 

I reflect now on my brothers and sisters in Christ.  I thought, "I bet Heavenly Father deals with this too."  Sometimes if I see an issue with a "brother or sister," I can bring it to their attention, but the correction is not necessarily mine to handle.  I need to make sure my rebuke isn't so hefty that they are distracted from the Voice of correction they really need to hear.  I can intercede on their behalf to Father, even tattle to Him, but if I am obedient I will likely do more praying for them than yelling at them.